MR. WHAT’S HIS FACE

By Christoph Kulling

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING DAY

Panel of Steve’s building.

INT. STEVE’S BATHROOM DAY

Steve is looking in the bathroom mirror talking to himself. He is very happy; almost overly-excited about his work day.

STEVE:

One more day and they’ll announce who gets

the promotion! I know it’s gonna be me!

Cut to Steve all dressed in his work clothes (suit and tie) and walking out the door.

STEVE:

Watch out, world! Steve is movin’ on up.

Oh yeah!

INT. WORKPLACE DAY

Steve walks into his workplace. A few other employees are around as Steve enters through the door. The other employees have worn out faces with bags under their eyes as if they’re totally drugged out. Steve happily greets all of them, but the others don’t reply to him.

STEVE:

Mornin’ everyone! Beautiful day, isn’t it?

Cut to Steve. He spots Sandy, his love interest, walking towards him in the hallway. Sandy is with another female friend.

STEVE (TO HIMSELF):

Gasp! There’s Sandy!

Steve gives her a hearty greeting.

STEVE:

Hello, Sandy! How are you?

Sandy ignores him as she and her friend walk past him. Sandy’s friend looks high with bloodshot eyes.

SANDY’S FRIEND:

Who the hell is that guy?

SANDY:

I don’t know. I’ve never seen him before…..

Cut to Steve approaching people at the water cooler. They seem to be chatting about something. One of the guys at the water cooler has nodded off and is sleeping/drooling. All of the people at the water cooler have horrible bags under their eyes/bloodshot eyes. Suddenly one of them, BOB, starts to laugh hysterically. One of the guys at the water cooler is looking at his hands in amazement because they seem to be melting. Steve tries to join in and be apart of the group.

STEVE:

(in loud/maniacal laughter)

Oh! Hahahahaha!!

That’s a good one, Bob! Haha! Wow!

Steve pats Bob on the back. Bob is shocked. He doesn’t know who Steve is?

STEVE:

Talk to you later, guys! You’re hilarious, Bob!

Steve walks past them still laughing. All are confused.

BOB:

Is that a new guy or something?

A small note on bottom left appears explaining that Steve has been working here for 7 years.

Cut to Steve’s office. He actually works right across from Sandy. He waves to her but still ignores him. Steve sits down in front of his computer and starts working.

STEVE:

Well, time to get to work! Promotion…here I come!

Cut to Workplace Bathroom.

INT. WORKPLACE BATHROOM

Steve is washing his hands and looking in the mirror.

STEVE:

Oh yeah! That promotion is as good as mine!

Another man steps out of the bathroom stall. It is the President of the company MR. CROSS.

STEVE (TO HIMSELF):

Oh my God! It’s Mr. Cross! The president of

the company! Stay calm. Stay calm.

The president moves to wash his hands as Steve tries to make conversation with him.

STEVE:

Hello, Mr. Cross! I hear a big promotion is coming up

tomorrow! Heh-heh-heh!

Mr. Cross doesn’t know who the hell Steve is. He tries to avoid him.

MR. CROSS:

Uh…that’s correct……..guy.

Mr. Cross exits. Steve is angry at himself for being such an idiot to Mr. Cross.

STEVE:

Oh, man…I’m such an idiot! Now I’ll never get that

promotion! What an ass! Idiot!

Steve regains his calm. Looks back into the mirror.

STEVE:

Just calm down, Steve. Everything is fine. It’s all good.

Nothing to get worked up about….

Steve notices a bubble on the side of his cheek.

STEVE:

What the hell? What the hell is this!? A boil!?

Another bubble pops on his forehead as Steve is starting to become fearful. Tremendous pressure starts to press from underneath his face.

STEVE:

What…is….happening??

Suddenly, Steve’s face rips off of him. Blood flies everywhere; onto the walls, mirror, his clothes. Steve yells in pain.

STEVE:

Oh my god! My face!

Nothing but muscle and eyes remain on Steve’s face. The face on the floor suddenly springs to life as it bounces away and out of the bathroom. Steve gives chase.

STEVE:

Get back here!

Steve tries to cope with the loss of his face as he walks back to his office.

STEVE:

Everything’s okay. Just act natural. Just act natural.

Maybe no one will notice……

And nobody does. Steve walks back into his office, blood all over him, waves at everyone and sits back down in front of his computer. Steve makes a “phew!” sound in relief as people didn’t notice his missing face.

5 hours later

Back in Steve’s office, Sandy and her friend are gossiping/whispering about a new employee. Steve eavesdrops on them.

SANDY:

Did you see the new guy? Wow!

SANDY’S FRIEND:

I know…he’s totally hot!

Steve is curious about this new/popular employee.

STEVE:

New guy? Who the hell….?

Steve walks out of the office and notices a gathering of people around this new person. He breaks in and sees that it is his former face that is getting all of the attention.

STEVE:

What!? What are you doing here!?

The face is motionless but has a tie on. Everyone around the face is smiling widely with weird bloodshot eyes in amazement of the face as if they are worshipping it.

RANDOM EMPLOYEE 1:

I love this guy!

RANDOM EMPLOYEE 2:

I’d say he’s a shoe-in for the promotion tomorrow!

Steve is shocked/angered at this thought.

STEVE:

Promotion!? Him!? But….but that’s my face!

How could he get a promotion!?

Everyone is shocked/angered at Steve’s reaction.

RANDOM EMPLOYEE 3:

What’s your problem?

RANDOM EMPLOYEE 4:

You’re just jealous, man!

RANDOM EMPLOYEE 5:

Who the HELL are you!?

Steve storms back into his office and kicks the garbage can.

STEVE:

Bullshit!

NEXT DAY IN STEVE’S BATHROOM

Steve is talking to himself in front of the mirror again, still with his face detached. He has shaving cream on himself.

STEVE:

Today is the day! That promotion is mine!

Gotta look my best today!

Steve puts the razor to his face.

AT WORK

Cut to Steve arriving at work. He has blood all over his shirt, probably from shaving. On the walls, he notices pictures of the face all over the wall that say: “Employee of the Month”. Steve is very angered/shocked by this.

STEVE:

Employee of the month! No way!

Steve grabs one of the pictures off of the wall.

STEVE:

This can’t be! I’ve been working here for 7 years

and I’ve never gotten my picture on the wall! He’s been

here for one day!

Steve smashes the picture on the ground.

Cut to Face’s office. It seems that the face has gotten its own large office with a view. The face has gotten the promotion of Vice President. Steve sees this and has tears in his eyes as he can’t believe what he’s seeing.

STEVE:

Vice…President…….No…..

Steve puts his hands to his face which become bloody as soon as he removes them when he hears Mr. Cross. Steve peeks in and sees Mr. Cross inviting the face to a party that night. The face remains motionless as Mr. Cross pats the face on the back. Mr. Cross comes out of the face’s office.

MR. CROSS:

See you at the party at 8!

Steve walks in after Mr. Cross leaves and confronts the face.

STEVE:

What do you think you’re doing!? This promotion

is mine! Give it to me!

Face is motionless. Steve approaches the face with malice.

STEVE:

You hear me!? It’s mine! I want it back!

Security rushes in and drags Steve out.

STEVE:

You have no right! I’ll get you for this!!

CUT TO 8 P.M.

Steve arrives at Mr. Cross’s mansion and peeks in through the window. The face is surrounding by people laughing and having a good time. The face is dressed in a tie and a top-hat and has a glass of martini beside him. A man in the background is puking/drooling blood as people laugh at him.

Steve’s eyes become angered and full of rage at the site of the face being so popular and better than him.

STEVE:

That’s the last straw....

I can’t stand this anymore!

That was MY promotion!!

Suddenly, the butler surprises Steve and sprays him with the hose to shoo him off of the property.

BUTLER:

Get outta here!

NEXT DAY AT WORK

Steve enters work in a disgruntled mood.

STEVE:

This is it….this is gonna end.

Steve enters the bathroom and locks himself in the one of the stalls.

STEVE:

I’m taking back what’s mine….

ONE HOUR LATER

A sound of a door opening.

Cut to bathroom stall. In a First Person Point of View, Steve’s hand reaches out to open the bathroom stall and to reveal the face on the bathroom floor.

Steve jumps out and stomps on the face over and over and over again.

STEVE:

Die!! Die!! Die!! I hate you!!

The face dies and there is a pool of blood on the floor. Steve looks around to see if anyone is looking. He picks up the face and reattaches it to his own. The face is now saggy and deformed on him. He walks out of the office in a happier mood as he whistles to himself. He waves to several employees as they ignore him.

Steve spots Sandy and her friend walking down the hall.

STEVE:

Hiya, Sandy! Looking lovely today!

Steve puts his face right by Sandy as Sandy scoots past him.

SANDY:

Freakin’ weirdo…..

Steve sits down at in front of his computer as if nothing is wrong. His face is completely disfigured and torn.

STEVE:

That’s right….I’m going places now……

END.